Saturday, May 14, 2011

On A More Serious Note...

Well, as many of my fellow blogger friends know, Blogger had a major malfunction, which caused all posts from May 11th to disappear.  They claimed that they'd restore everything to normal and that we'd receive our lost posts.  Not so.  Good thing I had this post saved on a word document, because I'd venture to say the post that was lost in cyber space (along with all of your wonderful and encouraging comments) was the most important post that I have written to date. I guess this will teach me a lesson to back this blog up. I didn't even know you could do or needed to do such things with web content.  Au contraire, my friend.

Oh well.  Without further adieu, here's my blog post that was lost:


Hi Friends,

Over the last year you’ve gotten to know my house… and little bit of me through those projects and posts.  Well, now it’s time to peel back one more layer; it’s time you know why I decided to start this blog.

I started this blog because I needed a hobby; I needed something to care for; frankly, I needed a distraction.  A distraction from what, you may ask?  Well, a few years ago I was diagnosed with a condition called Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). This is something that can cause a host of problems depending on the severity and if it progresses with time.  One of the issues this dreaded syndrome can cause is infertility.  Unfortunately, that’s been the case for us.  I’ve known from the young elementary age that I always wanted to be a mom.  When children answered, “doctor, lawyer, teacher” to the question of “what do you want to be when you grow up,” I always answered “a mom.” I never thought it would this difficult to fulfill that dream. 

Rewind to December 2009:  One close friend after another shared the joyous news that a baby was in their future…. That they were expecting a bundle of joy… soon they would have something in common, while I would sit back and observe others living my dream.  2010 was a low point for me.  It was full of mixed emotions.  I was overjoyed for my dear friends, all while a little piece of me hardened inside as I attended one more shower… as I picked out one more gift… and I made one more hospital visit.  I smiled through the heartache as each woman gazed into their new baby’s eyes.  I was able to hold it together long enough to make what seemed to be a long trek to my car.  It was there I laid my head on my steering wheel and began to sob. As each day goes on, it does get easier to share in the joy of others instead of focusing on what I’m lacking.  Stories of breastfeeding, crawling, walking and talking are all going to take place.   All of these make the days a little more difficult. It is such a strange feeling because these events are surrounded with such joy, yet I'm left feeling guilty because of the sorrow that I feel.   I’m blessed to have friends that understand that I’m happy for them all while I still long for their experience.

Some days are easier than others. Mother’s Day, Easter and Christmas all leave me feeling a little empty inside.  But I still hold onto the hope that I will one day hold that baby in my arms.   We hope to make this happen through adoption. There are so many children that need homes and we know that we can offer a child a wonderful home full of love, compassion and joy.  As things progress with this part of our lives, I’ll be sure to fill you in.  Right now, I’m working on a myriad of projects that I hope to sell in order to raise money for adoption… it’s really expensive.  The expense could be daunting but I won’t let it overwhelm me.  One project… one sale… one dollar at a time we’ll reach our goal.   Our hope is to raise the majority of the money by early 2012.  At that point, we’ll sign with an agency and begin the process with a home study.  I truly believe God will provide and God already has the perfect child chosen for us.  I bought this little guy as a reminder to keep my eyes set on the goal.  


 One day, this will sit in my child’s room.

I’ve been holding onto this post for awhile.  I was waiting for the right time to post this.  I'm not exactly sure why this is the right time, but it just feels right.  I guess, I'm hoping to encourage another person with a similar experience.  If you are going through this, you are not alone.  I don't know what God's plan is in all of this, but I do know he does have a plan.

Our fate lies in the hands of the Lord… and in the hands of a teenage mom that will make the selfless choice to give her baby a better life, all while making our dreams a reality.  I don’t know who you are yet, but I say THANK YOU. 

With Love and hope,


12 comments:

  1. Heather,
    Wow, I can only imagine what it took for you to write this post. I admire your rawness and honesty, and I have to say this is just the beginning for you.

    Please don't feel guilty about the feelings you had; all those are completely valid and 100% normal. What you did, by putting it out there, it's the first step to healing. :)

    God bless you, and please never give up on your dream. You're e captain of your ship; take the wheel and go for it, make it happen. You'll be a great mom.

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  2. I pray that as you are going through you are able to walk in a constant state of grace.

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  3. Heather,
    Just got your comment on LifeforDessert...guess you got this posted! Takes courage girl...well done. I haven't posted it yet, but I have a prayer that's coming soon in a post...know now that it's for you too. And ps. LOVE that you are Emily's cousin...small world...even in the blog one apparently!

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  4. I am glad you chose to post this as you now have another network of support from your blogger friends. We will be here when you want to share anything and our prayers will be with you always. xo

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  5. I too have PCOS and after a couple of years of "trying" which included months of clomid and other various and more invasive "tests" I started on shots. We were going on vacation and couldn't do the shot that month - I was pretty disappointed. I didn't want to miss out on a month. When we got back from vacation and I got ready to start up again on all of the meds, I found out I was pregnant. God still works! Don't count Him out! :) Both of my children are miracle babies - but for different reasons! :)

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  6. I too have PCOS and after a couple of years of "trying" which included months of clomid and other various and more invasive "tests" I started on shots. We were going on vacation and couldn't do the shot that month - I was pretty disappointed. I didn't want to miss out on a month. When we got back from vacation and I got ready to start up again on all of the meds, I found out I was pregnant. God still works! Don't count Him out! :) Both of my children are miracle babies - but for different reasons! :)

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  7. I am so happy that you made the decision to share this with us as we can be another support team for you. The world of blogging is huge and I'm sure you will be able to make new friends who are walking down this difficult path who can truly understand your pain, as only someone who is in that place can. As for the rest of us, we can be here whenever you need to share or vent and be prayer warriors for you....we are here. xo

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  8. Heather,
    Wow, I can only imagine what it took for you to write this post. I admire your rawness and honesty, and I have to say this is just the beginning for you.
    Please don't feel guilty about the feelings you had; all those are completely valid and 100% normal. What you did, by putting it out there, it's the first step to healing. :)
    God bless you, and please never give up on your dream. You're the captain of your ship; take the wheel and go for it, make it happen. You'll be a great mom.

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  9. Heather,
    Just got your comment on LifeforDessert...guess you got this posted! Takes courage girl...well done. I haven't posted it yet, but I have a prayer that's coming soon in a post...know now that it's for you too. And ps. LOVE that you are Emily's cousin...small world...even in the blog one apparently!

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  10. I've been through the heartbreak of infertility and have experienced the joy of adoption. You will be in my prayers. I pray that the Lord blesses you with a child He chose just for you at just the right time and that you have peace through this process.

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  11. You've got me in tears, my sweet friend.

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  12. Wow...that is all I can really say right now. I do not know you but was given your blog by a good friend of mine (Amy Rickards) so I could see your beautiful home.

    I have also been diagnosed with PCOS but have known since I was 16. My husband and I will be married for 9 years in July and we have been praying that God would show us how our dream of being parents would happen. I have felt all of the feelings you described in your blog and know exactly what you are feeling. We have also been looking into adoption but haven't taken the step to actually say "yes, this is what we are going to do." I worked for an adoption agency in MN for 3 years and saw the amazing gift that adoption is and how God can use that to impact not only the childrens lives but also the birth parents and adoptive parents lives. I don't know you but I will be praying for you as you begin this journey. Your post couldn't have come at a better time for me.

    Thank you!
    Rebecca

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