Oh well. Without further adieu, here's my blog post that was lost:
Over the last year you’ve gotten to know my house… and little bit of me through those projects and posts. Well, now it’s time to peel back one more layer; it’s time you know why I decided to start this blog.
I started this blog because I needed a hobby; I needed something to care for; frankly, I needed a distraction. A distraction from what, you may ask? Well, a few years ago I was diagnosed with a condition called Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). This is something that can cause a host of problems depending on the severity and if it progresses with time. One of the issues this dreaded syndrome can cause is infertility. Unfortunately, that’s been the case for us. I’ve known from the young elementary age that I always wanted to be a mom. When children answered, “doctor, lawyer, teacher” to the question of “what do you want to be when you grow up,” I always answered “a mom.” I never thought it would this difficult to fulfill that dream.
Rewind to December 2009: One close friend after another shared the joyous news that a baby was in their future…. That they were expecting a bundle of joy… soon they would have something in common, while I would sit back and observe others living my dream. 2010 was a low point for me. It was full of mixed emotions. I was overjoyed for my dear friends, all while a little piece of me hardened inside as I attended one more shower… as I picked out one more gift… and I made one more hospital visit. I smiled through the heartache as each woman gazed into their new baby’s eyes. I was able to hold it together long enough to make what seemed to be a long trek to my car. It was there I laid my head on my steering wheel and began to sob. As each day goes on, it does get easier to share in the joy of others instead of focusing on what I’m lacking. Stories of breastfeeding, crawling, walking and talking are all going to take place. All of these make the days a little more difficult. It is such a strange feeling because these events are surrounded with such joy, yet I'm left feeling guilty because of the sorrow that I feel. I’m blessed to have friends that understand that I’m happy for them all while I still long for their experience.
Some days are easier than others. Mother’s Day, Easter and Christmas all leave me feeling a little empty inside. But I still hold onto the hope that I will one day hold that baby in my arms. We hope to make this happen through adoption. There are so many children that need homes and we know that we can offer a child a wonderful home full of love, compassion and joy. As things progress with this part of our lives, I’ll be sure to fill you in. Right now, I’m working on a myriad of projects that I hope to sell in order to raise money for adoption… it’s really expensive. The expense could be daunting but I won’t let it overwhelm me. One project… one sale… one dollar at a time we’ll reach our goal. Our hope is to raise the majority of the money by early 2012. At that point, we’ll sign with an agency and begin the process with a home study. I truly believe God will provide and God already has the perfect child chosen for us. I bought this little guy as a reminder to keep my eyes set on the goal.
One day, this will sit in my child’s room.
I’ve been holding onto this post for awhile. I was waiting for the right time to post this. I'm not exactly sure why this is the right time, but it just feels right. I guess, I'm hoping to encourage another person with a similar experience. If you are going through this, you are not alone. I don't know what God's plan is in all of this, but I do know he does have a plan.
Our fate lies in the hands of the Lord… and in the hands of a teenage mom that will make the selfless choice to give her baby a better life, all while making our dreams a reality. I don’t know who you are yet, but I say THANK YOU.